Jenn Jenns Dragon

My Long Weekend

January 22, 2008 at 5:28 pm (friendship, Life, Love, Romance, Uncategorized) (friendship, Life, Love, Personal, Romance)

I just had the best weekend of my life I never want to let this slip into the past I always want to remember this and renew it every weekend that I can. For the first time I feel actually loved for who I am and not for what I am or just to be toyed with. I an sick of this past I just want to forget it all but I cant the beatings and the being alone just wont leave me, I cant stand it anymore I need a new start and I need a clear mind. I want to move and I intend to do my best I left my angel only 40 minutes ago and my heart is already wrenching and hurting It longs for the affection and kindness that I it had gotten for the past three days. I just wish I did not have to go today it hurts so much to leave the person I love the most and I want to be with that angel as long as I can.

I sit here and listen to music to try and cover my pain but it is no longer working  the new angel in my life took that away and I am glad but I can’t believe how bad this hurts. I long for the angels touch and I long for them to be in my arms as I hold them and they hold me. I wish there could just be another day that I could spend here in Susuin city. You all should of seen me for once in my life I could not stop smiling and I loved that feeling, I never want it to escape or to leave me again yet here I am in sorrow but I think of that angel and I smile I cant help it. That special angel just makes me so happy like no one has ever, she isn’t afraid to play rough or be loud and tease.  I just want to run back and have her jump up and into my arms and to give me another sweet kiss.

I am kind of afraid to even post this as I am so used to being made fun of for my feelings and for my problems. I am going out on such of a limb with this post but I have to do it for me. The angel I was with this weekend asked me why I shake and I had to dig deep into my memory and tell her as comes love there is no secerets, I explained to her about my past child hood being abused from age 8 untill 14 when I ran away and never went back home, to escape the constant abuse from my alcoholic father. I had even told her how much I wish that I never knew him and I still do, If I had the chance to travel back in time I would go far back enough to ensure that he never stayed with my mom, after I was born and that he would never ever see me. I sit here in a train station now smoking a blunt trying to forget all of the bad but boy does it keep coming to the front of my mind and god I swear to you that I would do anything for you to make it stop, I don’t want to remember these things I just want to be with her right now and be happy again. I love her honestly Like I have never loved anyone else and she is the first one I ever told her that I really loved her and meant it and I know your not supposed to say it unless you mean it and the reason I did in the past is because I needed someone there to fill the gap in my life and in my heart but I kept falling for the wrong ones that would treat me wrong and use me.

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